Five Years Without My Mom

Grief + Loss //

When I was a little girl my biggest fear was her dying. I was a strong type 4 as a child even, and my emotions often felt overwhelming. With her though, I always felt heard, needed, seen, appreciated.

My worst fears came true that cold morning in 2013, and now today we celebrate five years closer to seeing her again. Losing my mom was only the beginning of a string of losses and eulogies and grief so thick you can grab right ahold of it.

It’s been a challenge the last few years to decipher who to miss, who to think of, which loss weighs heavier that particular day - but when it comes down to it, as my sister said this morning, “They’re experiencing HEAVEN. They wouldn’t come back even if they could.”

And I smiled.

Because half of us there means half of us is here. And we have her to thank for us who remains. The mother who gave me the two best sisters in all the world.

Happy Heaven day, mama. We sure miss you, but know you’re surrounded by love and are grateful for all the light that you left.