Loss has forever changed me, and as I see signs of growth, of life, it baffles me. I watch winter merge into spring, I find yet again, the strange knowledge that all around me, people are living.
The sun continues to rise. The calendar flips, the trees blossom, the weather shifts. These things happen, paying little mind to the fact that I'm now growing far too comfortable collecting treasures of my dead relatives.
Sometimes I laugh, loudly, at the audacity of this all. I scream or cry or raise my hands, yet again, to the heavens.
WHY. Why cancer? Why addiction? Why me, again?
And I'm reminded of the wise words of the mama who raised me, "why not me?" And I sink back into the couch. Deep breathe, in and out.
I inhale the aroma of the changing season just outside my door, and I decide to do something with this. With this story I've been given. I decide not to let it go to waste.
I've found myself quieter than when I lost my mom and I'm not sure why, but don't be fooled. I'm just letting it simmer. I'm letting it do its thing so I can do my thing.
If you, too, are finding yourself with your hands to the heavens - you aren't alone, not hardly. If cancer has infiltrated your life, if addiction has stolen someone from you, you're in good company. It's not a great club, but it's not a lonely one.
Welcome. Let's walk this road, together.